You see I've got to stay strong, don't eat the chocolate and everything but my mom just arrived with a lot of food like ham and cheese and little pieces of bread from the bakery we love and I said no to her face and saw her smile turn into a frown. I'm so upset with myself, I still had to eat but I managed to just eat a 111 cal yogurt. I'm sort of happy. They'll make me eat lunch because since I'm not in school I can't bin it. I hope I get through the day without binging on my chocolate and the bread my mom bought but god it is so hard to stay strong. I feel things would be so easy if I didn't think this much. Just follow a 0% stress pattern in all my choices. Be like, just eat my 3 meals a day and try to skip them if I can, but I get all dizzy and binge. It's curious because while I'm binging I'm like having a war inside my head...I hear voices yelling FAT, PIG, GROSS, WEAK and at the same time I know that I'm eating and it is bad but I CAN'T stop. Idk what's going on with me but blogging makes me calm down. The cravings I had a minute earlier are sort of vanishing and I'm in a peaceful mood right now. I'll just eat my lunch slowly when they tell me to, skip dinner in a way and tomorrow will be a brand new day. I'll go to visit my grandma and all will be fine. Just remember to eat little. In my trip I'll try to follow Sussana's steps and try to eat less and enjoy the trip. I'll come back and with a 0 % stress range I'll follow my week diet consisting in just having Special K cereal, or maybe less cals...who knows. But I have to plan it right. Then of course I'll go to the gym religiously. And I'll go with my dad and his girlfriend's family on vacation to the beach and try to survive my body....Then Skinnovember will come and again with 0 % stress I'll follow my diet (1st week fruit, 2nd week personalized, 3rd week Special K, 4th week fruit) and everything will be fine. And who knows, maybe in Xmass I'll open the chocolate bar...just one piece.
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